(Excerpted
from Happiness Lessons)
by
Ralph & Lahni DeAmicis
Let's get something clear right from the beginning. Weddings are not
romantic. They are many different things; formal, graceful, beautiful,
social, measured, potentially exasperating, and typically uncomfortable
for the Bride and Groom, but romance is not even in the top ten of what
weddings are about.
Now
that's not to say that they can't be romantic. They can be! But that
usually requires limiting the guest list to a very, very small group
of dear and intimate friends and, maybe if you really like them, family.
It's also helpful if the ceremony takes place immersed in nature's beauty,
and if you start the toasts before the vows are taken. Scroll down for
complete article.
Of
course this is the exception rather than the rule simply because most
of us know too many people who will never forgive us if they're not
invited, whether we want them there or not. The Chinese have the right
idea on weddings. They are considered of the greatest importance to
the parents, grandparents, and family lineage, but of little real concern
for the couple themselves.
After
all, how many grooms are truly, in their heart of hearts, willing participants?
Even the typical Bride, midway through the wedding preparation gauntlet,
dreams of eloping to Tahiti and leaving a wistful note behind for the
folks bundled up in their winter coats.
We're
not saying that there's any relief here for the pre-nuptial weary, but
we can offer some good advice for carrying off the whole wedding carnival
with a bit more grace and cosmic cooperation. The keys lie in understanding
where you're going to stand, in a galactic sense, and what people need
to see. That is why we started with the nature of the wedding.
It's
hard to help something if you don't understand what it is. A wedding
is the transformation energetically, legally and possibly genetically
into a new single being. It is done in front of everyone you know or
care about so that it is common knowledge in the social world that these
two are now one.
The
classic ceremony that takes place in a cathedral is the archetype of
this mystic union. The couple starts off by walking east in the direction
of new beginnings and the coming day. The Minister faces west, the direction
of the arbiter and peacemaker. The groom stands to the right. This is
the south side, and the territory of the light. The Bride stands to
the left. This is the north side and the territory of the night.
When
the vows are completed they turn to face each other. He faces north
and she faces south. Then they turn together to face west, the direction
of union, to greet the assembled family and friends as partners for
the first time. (Graphic of directions) It is as formal and planned
out as a ballet and practically as hard on the feet, but it powerfully
aligns the couple with the Earth and Sky and lends a classical grace
to the venture.
Now
your corner chapel was probably not laid out to align with the true
directions, and if you're having the ceremony there you might want to
do your preliminary surveys compass in hand. We're not saying that these
are the only directions to face. However if you really are hoping to
create that magical union that we call a true marriage weaving the fibers
of the sunrise and the sunset into your wedding gowns makes a lot of
sense.
These
days there is usually a bit of flexibility in the choreography of the
ceremony, and a large church often has several chapels to choose from.
Don't let the structure dictate the dance. Ceremonies have potent significance
and their power and effectiveness is in direct proportion to the care
and attention you put into them. If you're having your ceremony in the
garden you have more flexibility.
Sticking
with the Sunrise Sunset theme has certain advantages, but don't reverse
it. If the couple starts off facing west and then turns to greet the
world facing east it would be smart if they had a pre-nuptial legal
agreement in place, because there's a good chance they're going to need
it. If you need to tilt the axis a bit you have some options. You can
start off facing north, the direction of ambition, and turn to the south
and the light of fulfillment.
This
works especially well with a marriage where generating children is not
the primary purpose, such as a between a mature couple where social
position is a more important issue. (Graphic of the North South arrangement)
A little note on directions. There are only a few places on the Earth
where magnetic north aligns with true north.
Both
weddings and marriages are social creations so it's our relationship
with the sky that is the key. This requires knowing true north. Maps
are aligned to true north so you'll do best by checking the churches
location on a map. You could also spend a bit of time learning the art
of compasses and simple navigation. It's easier than you might think.
When
you go to a wedding you expect to see flowers. Those colorful, aroma
filled signs of nature's fertility and potency are as traditional as
the exchange of rings and the nervous delight of the wedding night.
As we enter the next stage, the reception, the flowers become major
sign posts for guiding your assembled company to their proper places.
When you set up the reception hall there are some key strategies.
First, the reception table where the place cards are set out should
be as close to the front of the hall as possible and centered along
that front wall facing the entrance. If you place a very tall, dramatic
flower arrangement on that table it will act as a magnet drawing everyone
to that first stop. This encourages them to quickly find their place
and start filling the room. Place the arrangement high enough so that
the focus is at the heart to head height of the newly married couple.
This
elevated focus activates everyone's heart energy and promotes optimism
about the future. (Photo of Tall arrangement) Ideally the couple should
be seated in the western part of the room facing east. This makes it
easier for them to encounter the mob of people they've invited and encourages
diplomacy, an essential ingredient of both weddings and marriages.
If
the room doesn't permit this arrangement without it looking absolutely
silly then take the second path. That means using the personal bagua
that is based upon how we paint our energy upon a space. Based upon
that there are three "best places" for the wedding party's table. If
parenting and fertility are of paramount interest then place the table
at the middle of the back wall with the Wife to the left and the Husband
to the right.
If
romance and satisfaction is your aim then place the table in the right
third of the back wall, with the Husband to the left and the Wife to
the right. An alternative of this option is to place the table in the
right hand corner, and here it is especially important that the Husband
be on the left with the Wife to the right. If the forms of marriage,
the balance, fairness and social acceptance are very important to you
then the wedding table should be in the middle of the right hand wall.
Here the Husband is to t he right and the Wife to the left.
Use
the symbolism of the flowers to establish your territories. The arrangements
on the bridal table need to incorporate pairs of flowers. We always
like to say that any image in the right side of the room (the partnership
area) needs to include pairs of the same species with a clear sense
of polarity between them. The wedding is the symbolic and practical
coming together of the yin and yang, the female and male, the receptive
and active.
The
flowers on the table of the first meal they are taking together as a
married couple needs to reflect that. Here are a few other flower tricks.
While establishing a sense of union is important, it's the structures
and boundaries within a marriage that make it work. You might want to
place the table arrangements in three different color bowls or ribbons
to establish the guest tables related to bride, groom, or mixed.
This
same strategy is especially helpful for designating the parent's tables.
Remember the style of the sexy flower arrangements are the same, but
the bowls symbolizing the cauldron of the family are different. One
caution when choosing the colors and flowers for the wedding, avoid
lavender and amethyst. While it is a wonderful plant, a very spiritual
color and a lovely stone they promote chastity, the intellect and virginal
detachment. As such they have no place in a wedding or married bedroom.
Finally
place flowers in each corner of the reception room. These are often
places of turbulence and filling them with bouquets will sooth the emotional
waters. Paying special floral attention to the corners adjacent to the
entrance wall will eliminate any gossip and underhanded maneuverings,
enhancing romance, sensuality, and that lovely dreamy quality that is
woven into the most memorable weddings.
Drs.
Ralph and Lahni DeAmicis were directors of one of America's largest
and most modern professional Feng Shui practitioner programs, based
in Philadelphia. Their books Feng Shui and the Tango, Happiness
Lessons and Prosperity Lessons, from the Feng Shui Fuzion
Series are transforming the practical applications of environmental
design in America. For a complete directory of their articles and a
catalog of their books and other products, visit www.SpaceAndTime.com.
Copyright 2002 Ralph and Lahni DeAmicis
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